one: never let yourself get too comfortable. never trust the feeling that you are SAFE.

I always knew that there was a fire inside of you but I was unprepared for the way that comfortable warmth could burn me, I never expected it to one day leave me with scars.

reasons to remain unattached (7/?)

There are gardens growing in your voice, flowers spill out every single time you open your mouth to speak or breathe,
but my voice is lost or maybe locked somewhere deep inside my chest. My tongue will always be tied, my lips will always be sealed.

Letters To My Former Selves (1/?)

Above all else,
please always be kind,
to others and to yourself.
Do not waste time feeling guilty 
for removing toxic people from your life,
because this life is very short 
and your time is very precious, 
spend it with those who fill you up with love and light.
There will be times when your head fills itself up
with deceitful, dark thoughts.
Do not listen.
You are strong,
you will win this battle
and many more.
Please keep going
and believe me when I tell you
that there is so much to look forward to.

you can always call me if you are feeling sad, okay?

You always compared your head to an unsafe neighborhood, somewhere you shouldn’t go alone, but I want to reach inside and take out whatever I can find because I have seen the light in you and if you let me I will show you where to find it whenever you forget.

a quiet soul whispers one request

People sometimes speak just to fill the void,

but I long for golden silence,

a darkness in which stars may shine.

Comparing Scars

The first time we compared our scars mine were so much deeper than yours, and there was still skin to spare on your arms, you could still wear cute sleeveless dresses and every day the sunlight could touch your skin, you were young and warm and full of light, there were infinite possibilities. I guess I envied you for that.

But soon the light was extinguished under your skin. Darkness in your eyes where before there were so many stars. You stopped eating your lunch at school. You started covering up your skin like it was a shameful secret. You were always taking those pills.

I blinked and when I opened my eyes you were gone.

I hope wherever you've gone there is no such thing as guilt or time. I hope they've let you hit the reset button and forget you'd ever known people like me. I hope your skin is full of sunlight again. I hope that there are so many stars in your eyes. I hope you're happy. I hope that you know now what peace can be. And I hope that somehow you might hear my apology. I loved you more than anything. Rest easy now. Sweet dreams.

I should have paid more attention. I shouldn’t have made living with this illness a competition. I should have held you closer. I should have said all of this sooner. I'm so sorry.