Self-Destruction As A Form Of Creation

Dig your fingernails into the palms of your hands to remind yourself of what it feels like to be powerful
Scratch yourself when you feel numb to remind yourself that there is still blood pumping beneath your skin
Experiment with how long you can thrive off of nothing but caffeine and nicotine
Stay awake all night staring at your bedroom window until light creeps in and the morning birds start to sing
Read old letters you’ve kept in boxes in your closet and let their words seep into your subconscious 
Burn your old journals and pretend that none of it was real
Paint over your canvases and make something new
Hurt yourself on purpose as a source of inspiration
Lock yourself inside of an empty room with no windows or mirrors
Apologize to yourself 
Ask for forgiveness
Beg to be reborn

I Am Not Coming Up For Air

I am tearing every flower out from inside of myself

and replacing them with thorns.

I am feeling this fully, painfully, everything is heavy.

I am diving into the needles of this memory

and I am not coming up for air

until I have poured every drop of your name

out of my mouth.

I Had This Dream Where I Met Myself When I Was Still In The Womb. I Could Ask Or Say Anything.

There is so much bad out here. But there is also such beauty.

Do you feel safe? Hold on to that feeling. There are times out here when it seems impossible to find safety anywhere.

It’s nice and warm where you are. Out here it gets cold and it seeps into your blood and your bones and makes you feel like a plant withering beneath the frost.

Do you feel loved? You have no idea of all the ways in which your heart will be torn apart out here. There are disadvantages to loving too fully. There are disadvantages to feeling too deeply.

Do you have the strength to make yourself numb when the world is too jagged and sharp?

You will have to learn to find love from within before you search for it without.

It will take you a very long time, and you will put it down and walk away and misplace it sometimes.

But one day you will open your eyes and you will see light everywhere. Things were dark for so long but now there is light and there is love,

oh, my god, there is love

and there is so much to be grateful for.

I love you.

Do you love me?

Rest easy. 

Sweet dreams.